Any assumption that submission is somehow a sign of weakness really rattles my cage. I imagine the majority of people who read this won’t be of that opinion, though I’m sure many of you have heard this ridiculous insinuation before or indeed struggled with your own insecurities. There may have been several times you’ve thought yourself to be weak simply because you found pleasure in submitting to another. Well, listen to me:
You’re not weak.
Let me explain why. Most of this is based on personal experience and that of the people I’ve met – although it may not necessarily be accurate for everyone.
Submission is a constant solo journey into the unknown. But it’s not as simple as deciding on a route around Australia and buying tickets (though I’ll admit that takes enough guts to do alone); this is a journey of the mind. There’s no ticket office or information desk, no travel buddies, no route or timetable. You make your own way.
Most subs I’ve met have shared a similar experience – and mine was no different – in that we spent years trying to come to terms with who and what we are, and the same applies to a great deal of kinksters, however they identify. It’s a difficult thing to fathom; this desire that lies deep inside of you.
In childhood, you’re vaguely aware of ‘something’ exciting. I was attracted to all kinds of strange things as a young girl – I was growing up as a switch without realising. Those light hearted moments in cartoons where the damsel gets kidnapped and bound, or when the mischievous young chap gets thrown over the knee of a large, headless woman for a sound spanking would fascinate me but I couldn’t figure out why.
Of course, you don’t really understand that this is the beginning of your sexual journey. You’ve no idea what sex is, or that this side to your personality will likely take you on a voyage to hell and back during the course of your life. Possibly even several times; the Devil and I are old acquaintances 😉
Early experimentation quickly teaches you that these things you’re attracted to are outside the social norm (there’s that word again). The children I played with didn’t seem to want to be tied to a tree and left there – how bizarre?! When we played mommies and daddies nobody wanted smacked legs when they misbehaved. And it stops being fun if the other person doesn’t want to play.
By early adolescence you’ve all but decided you’re a freak. A lot of us went through bouts of depression and identity crises (some without realising). Your double life begins. You hide a massive secret from almost everyone you know and the worst part is you don’t even understand what it is you’re hiding yet!
Some of us – more than are prepared to admit, I think – indulged in self play. Not just masturbation. Yawn. We’ve done that and it doesn’t hit the spot anymore. When in a subconscious submissive mode, I would go to bed early so I could tie myself up with the belt from my dressing gown or try spanking my own bottom. The developing Domme in me took great pleasure in torturing dolls; stripping them, binding them, cutting their hair and forcing them to perform sexual acts for me. When I was satisfied, I would pop them all into a box to forget about them and go off to play tea parties with the other girls…
If you’ve ever had to conceal such a fundamental part of who you are from the world, you’ll understand the sheer amount of mental strength it takes not to scream at the top of your lungs,
‘Is there anyone out there like me because I’m going out of my mind?!’
It’s overwhelming, kink. It’s unpredictable and utterly disarming at times. No matter what you do, there’s a powerful little beast inside you who wants to come out to play. Really play. People stop buying you dolls to mutilate by the time you’re 16. You’ve self-spanked your way into absolute frustration more times than you can count, resulting in tears of desperation rather than relief. Nothing but real play will satisfy the beast.
But the only way to play is to build up enough courage to communicate your desires to another person. Possibly one of the scariest things in the universe! What if you get rejected? Laughed at? What if they tell someone else? Or, god forbid, what if they like the idea and then you actually have to go through with it? It’s a mental minefield long before you’ve managed to engage in any play.
Trying to insinuate that people who actively enjoy submission are weak in character is frankly idiotic, to say the least. It’s closed minded and completely wrong. Nobody can understand the mental journey they must have been on to have reached a point where they can actively enjoy submission.
Some of the strongest people I have ever met are subs. It doesn’t matter what stage of your journey you are currently on, you’re doing it. Give yourself credit for being extraordinary!
I won’t get started on the gender card – it should go without saying that the gender of the sub shouldn’t even come into this. It is no more ‘natural’ for a female to submit than it is for a male. You are not your genitals.
I don’t think so. This is about Power Exchange – if a sub didn’t have power, they couldn’t give it away.
Submission begins and ends with strength.