For the purposes of this blog post, I am specifically referring to an onset of frenzy in a CP or spanking fetishist with a female Dominant, though the term also applies in a wider BDSM sense.
What is sub frenzy?
Have you ever seen a child walk into a sweet shop? The look of excitement and desperation on their faces tells you they want to try every sweet in there – and right now! Sub frenzy can be similar to this feeling. It is quite common with subs who are completely new to the exploration of fetish, but can also be experienced by seasoned players too. It can pop up as if from nowhere; a sudden and overwhelming desire to play or experience different things that then develops into frustration.
It may be that you have met a new Domme whose play style closely matches your own desires. In that case, it is understandable to want to experience everything with them, and as soon as humanly possible. CP and spanking can also be highly addictive due to the chemical changes they bring about in the body. It’s natural to want to feel that rush again without delay. However, if you allow frenzy to get the better of you, it could have a dangerous outcome.
When does it happen?
There is no set pattern for the onset of sub frenzy. It can happen to the best of us and we may not recognise it until we have already acted on it. As with any type of addiction, there are often withdrawal symptoms. Sub frenzy can be likened to this.
For newbie subs who have just discovered the wonderful world of CP or spanking, it can be all too real. Known also as ‘candy shop syndrome’, submissives can actually become quite demanding and tiresome as they regularly list new things they want to cram into their next visit to their Domme.
For more experienced players, it can occur almost any time. Maybe you haven’t played for some time and suddenly you notice that familiar itch blowing out of proportion. Maybe you’ve recently played with someone new and find yourself desperate to return as soon as possible. Maybe you’ve just finished an incredible session and you’re already fantasising about the details of your next.
Is it a problem?
In short: yes, it can be. There are several ways it could affect you and those around you.
Being in this frenzied state, even momentarily, can lead to bad decision making. As your mind focuses in on your absolute need to play, you may develop a kind of tunnel vision and see only yourself and your desires. It is easy to forget that there are safety aspects to consider and that any actions you take in these moments will have reactions or consequences.
For the Dominant: as mentioned, sub frenzy can be tiresome to deal with. Having to deal with endless requests and ever-changing ideas is challenging. The added pressure on the Dominant could put them off playing altogether. Most Dommes I know don’t like to rush or be rushed. If a submissive begins to pester them for play too regularly or is constantly trying to guide their play to include all the aspects they have been fantasising about, there is a strong possibility the Domme will no longer wish to play with this person. Dommes like control.
For the submissive: it can leave you in an incredibly vulnerable position. Your ability to think logically and rationally wains and a self-centred nature can manifest. You may do or say things that you regret. You may push for extra attention and reassurance. You may play with someone dangerous simply because you would rather play than not at all. You may play before your skin has had chance to fully heal from the last session. You could be harmed, emotionally or physically, and risk falling into a pit of despair when you realise you feel ashamed of your behaviour and begin the spiral of self-hatred.
For the professional: dealing with sub frenzy as a professional can be very difficult. The Domme could have quite a large number of submissives who visit regularly and, at any time, one of them could succumb to the frenzy. They could be fighting for any form of attention, sending excessive emails with extra thoughts for an already prepared session, or otherwise pushing themselves onto the Domme in an attempt to be seen as the most loyal or the number one sub. It is important to remember that, if your Dominant is a professional, any play they indulge in (including online) is their work.
What can I do if I feel frenzied?
Recognising the signs is tough but it can be done. If you feel yourself getting over excited about play or your D/s relationship, you may notice a strong desire within to connect with your Dominant in any capacity. Work out what it is you are hoping to get from them. Are you trying to initiate play too soon? Are you trying to suggest yet more things to include in your planned session? Are you merely hoping they will acknowledge you and validate your feelings?
If you can catch it in advance, you can prevent it from having adverse effects. Try some of the following tactics to avoid your frenzy getting out of control:
If you have no way of playing in the short term, you can surround yourself with fetish in other ways. Browse the internet for articles and blogs relating to your fetish or to frenzy. Read up about your particular interest and see if there is any new information you can gain access to. Watch online videos if you think they could sate your needs in the meantime. If you have a session booked, read over the arrangements you’ve made to reassure you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Engage in social media interaction with others who have similar interests. Write down your desires somewhere private so you can determine later if they need acting upon with any urgency.
For some, it may prove too difficult to read and watch fetish content while they are feeling this way. Indeed, it has the potential to make the frenzied state worse. Compartmentalising your D/s relationship could be exactly the right path to take here. It is all too easy to get caught up in the fetish world and lose perspective on real life. Sometimes we need to put our D/s life into a box and move it to one side in our heads so we can address it later. Come away from the temptation of the internet and do something vanilla to take your mind away from fet until you know you have the opportunity to indulge. Exercise for an adrenaline boost. Do something that makes you feel happy to release endorphins.
There is so much material written on the topic of sub frenzy, as well as thousands of submissives out there who have experienced it before. Find a way of understanding your feelings and perhaps connect with others through social media or message boards. You may find helpful tips and advice in the most unlikely places. It is a good idea to form a small support group with other submissives so you can call on them in your time of need, and vice versa. Understand that you are not alone and the feelings are not uncommon. If you feel you can do so respectfully, contact your Dominant and explain how you feel. They should be able to point you in the direction of some real help. If your Dominant is professional (and even if not, in some cases), be mindful that they may have other subs to tend to as well. Allow them time to respond to you in full rather than pushing for an answer. It is wise to get to the point briefly and without resorting to a bratty attitude or sounding ungrateful for any attention they have shown you thus far. Keep your communication low key and private. Don’t risk antagonising them by reaching out publicly via social media, etc.
Not everyone recognises their frenzy before they’ve acted. If you think you have done something potentially harmful, then seek help from friends, your submissive support group, your Dominant or from health professionals if it has gone that far. There is usually a straightforward way to rectify situations. Allow yourself some thinking time so you can decide on the best course of action. Most importantly, try not to rush into any decisions when in this state. Always remember:
Sub frenzy is not to be confused with sub drop. I will be releasing another post at a later date about how to recognise and deal with sub drop.
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