I have recently had the privilege of a third meeting with Miss Kendal and it was an experience as intense and fulfilling as those that have gone before. There were all the elements that I have come to expect: the outstanding role-play; the ‘look’; the monumentally hard hand spanking and the hairbrush. This time the session was enhanced for the first time by a lengthy dose of the cane. It was, of course, delivered with the uncompromising skill that is her trademark.
I will not rehearse the details of the session. Suffice it to say that the beatings, interspersed by nerve-wracking silences and verbal dressings down, were painfully challenging. On this occasion, however, something else happened that I am still processing.
Having engaged in disciplinary ‘play’ for many years, I thought I knew exactly what I needed: to regress to a schoolboy alter ego and be thrashed hard enough to be satisfied until the urge to repeat the experience returned. I have never thought of myself as ‘submissive’ and really didn’t understand what people meant by it. Yes, I wanted to be beaten from time to time and to cede control while it was happening but that was all. I would then return to the outwardly self-confident me with a successful career and fulfilling social and family life.
Miss Kendal, however, is uncannily insightful. It is almost as though those penetrating eyes can reach the depths of one’s being – in my case to reveal someone who is often uncertain, fearful and guilt-ridden, with a deep-seated need for the approval of others. And as I felt her ‘reading’ me so I came to make some unexpected discoveries about myself – or perhaps to recognise, admit and articulate them. A light had come on and I could now see in a new light aspects of myself that I had never really embraced. Perhaps, after all, there is something of the submissive about me.
So thank you Miss Kendal for your incredible insight and warmth. I look forward to seeing you again, both for the “damn good walloping” you have promised and to continue my new journey of self-discovery.