My fascination with corporal punishment has been constant since my early childhood, though I never received CP at home or at school. As soon as I reached the age of 18 I began to explore the professional CP scene.
What drove me was the pursuit of what I thought of as ‘real’ corporal punishment. CP as real punishment for real behaviour. CP over which I had no control. CP that continued when I wanted it to stop.
Was that even possible in a professional setting? I came to think not. Sporadically I visited Pro-Dommes, but sessions mostly left me disappointed, frustrated, and vowing never to indulge again. I tried upping the ante – requesting increasingly severe punishments, but finally I decided that no matter how strong my craving, professional domination did not work for me.
When I came across Miss Kendal’s website I was immediately drawn by her approach and specialisation in the subject. As I read more, and each new detail seemed to fit, my heart rate started to increase. I contacted her, outlining my desire for ‘real’ CP linked to real issues in my life. Her correspondence was warm and friendly and an appointment soon agreed.
Despite what I said in my email, what I expected was a play session based around my ideals. I did not expect to attain them, nor for it to have any effect on the issues that I proffered as an excuse to satisfy my craving for a spanking. I could not have been more wrong.
Wrong about the CP not being ‘real’. Wrong about it not changing my behaviour. And wrong about the issues simply being an excuse to satisfy my craving.
Even before we first met I had begun to feel that this was different. I was a few minutes late for our first appointment, lost in an unfamiliar area, when I received a text message from Miss Kendal which set a knot in my stomach.
I found the address, by now in something of a panic. Quietly Miss Kendal informed me that my unpunctuality would be dealt with first, and I knew before setting foot on the stairs to her session space, that I would want to return. I was relieved when she soon said that she would be happy to see me again and when I left that day, I was planning for how soon I could return.
Our sessions became regular and frequent. I arranged an online journal that both of us could read and began to log the issues that concerned me – alcohol addiction, porn addiction, weight gain, disrespectful behaviour towards my female colleagues.
It was immediately obvious to me that these issues were more serious than I had acknowledged. I was shocked by the stark reality of the entries in my journal. Horrified. Lying was not an option. I fought the disturbing feeling that I was not the person I thought I was.
Miss Kendal is fiercely intelligent and frighteningly perceptive. It often feels like she is inside my head. I have never cried since childhood. When she first made me cry it was a surreal ‘this can’t be happening’ moment. Now I have cried many times. I have sobbed uncontrollably before she even touched me.
“There are far worse things a Disciplinarian can do than grant you the release you need by spanking you.” – Miss Kendal
All those issues are now resolved, something that I never expected to happen. My lifelong search for real physical punishment is over. I’m leaner, healthier and feel better about myself. I recognise and acknowledge my own weaknesses. Miss Kendal says that I did it, but I know with complete certainty that it would not have happened without her.